Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
