I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
