He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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