Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I want to fling myself into the sun
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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