don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
