matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
This toilet bowl is my home.
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