Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
