Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
