Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Randomize
