I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
