I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
