Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
