Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
