Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
