i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
