david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
