i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Randomize
