sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
