Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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