Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
