I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
