Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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