Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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