I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
