Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Green mimosas i think yes
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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