i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
