her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
