i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
