They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
