I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
