She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
