Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
