its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
