just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
