well I can't set my house on fire every night
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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