oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
