Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
