Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I didn't notice because vodka
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
