Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
FUCK WHALES
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
