i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Randomize
