im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
