not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Randomize
