peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
