Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
