Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
