That's when you crack a 10am beer
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Randomize
