I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Randomize
