billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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