i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
