I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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