Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
