i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
