I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
