The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
