I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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