If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
