I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
