I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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