Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
