How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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